so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
