I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found a bag of teeth...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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