You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
