I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm really into asian looking animals
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
