WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
