Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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