Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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