i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
