I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
