Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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