Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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