My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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