She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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