So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
