i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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