I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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