I just made out with a guy for $7.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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