So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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