watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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