Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
vagina is talking i cant
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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