He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
