haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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