this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
