I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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