I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
