wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
