I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
