I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I came so hard my ears popped.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
