No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
