I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
