mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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