I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
