Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sarcasm needs its own font
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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