he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
