im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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