Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
