do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
