I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
