Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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