cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His nipple licking is glorious
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