i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
