Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
