I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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