Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
