my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
