just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
