I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
