Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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