LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
