we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
