It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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