Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
