Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
