What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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